Some things are hard to write about much less talk about. In the process of writing this post I grappled with how much detail to include and wrestled with my propensity to keep the emotional content unobtrusive – to not burden others with my sorrow. By nature I am an emotionally inconspicuous person – a liability for a writer. In the end I opted not to expose too much, in part to shield the reader, but also in deference to my own state of mind at this point in time – and perhaps dignity. Nevertheless, my choosing to express this much is a small attempt to maintain my sincerity and integrity as a writer.

I’ve known for several weeks that my baby had died, but until Wednesday night I hadn’t lost any tissue. At about 6.30 pm on Wednesday, (9/9/9) my baby “delivered” in my hands. An hour later my husband took me to emergency because of heavy bleeding. I was examined, hooked up to an IV which delivered fluids and antibiotics and then later transfered via ambulence to a larger hospital with better facilities to cope with my condition. By the time we got to the emergency department at the second hospital it was midnight. Fortunately I didn’t have to go to theatre, but I did have to stay in hospital overnight as I’d lost a lot of blood and there was a risk of my blood pressure dropping too much. It wasn’t until I got up to the ward that the magnitude of what I’d experienced hit me. Still, all I wanted to do was go home and make sure my husband and our dogs were ok. Even as I write this I am aware of the enormous descrepancy between what I am writing – which almost trivialises the events of that night – and what I am feeling.

Right now this is all I can manage to get out. I hope you won’t go too far, as I plan to return with full vigor to writing as soon as I recover.


About Sharon

Writer, bibliophile, dreamer and student of everything
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6 Responses to Update

  1. Debbi says:

    {{Hugs}} across cyberspace.

  2. vanyieck says:

    My wife endured a similar experience. She, like you, tends to guard her emotions. Still, knowing her as well as I do, I could sense the depth of her silent pain. I can’t help but wonder if it’s not the same with you and your husband. All I can say is I’m sorry.

    • Vanyieck, thank you. Grief is hard to understand let alone express. It is an autonomous thing and it is only in its aftermath that a person can begin to comprehend it. During the process all I could do was feel. My hubby was fantastic throughout, despite claiming he didn’t know what to do and having his own pain – he was there every step of the way as I’m sure you were with your wife, enduring your own grief all the while.

  3. drtombibey says:

    Ms Sharon,

    In the hard times, I write to get thru it. Like you, I am always my own worst critic, and forever worry I won’t connect with my reader.

    You don’t give yourself enough credit. When you write about this I feel your pain and my heart aches even though as a man I could not experience what you have gone through.

    Perhaps through your writing you will help some other woman, perhaps a reader you don’t even know, to get thru the same thing.

    Dr. B

    • Dr B
      I thought of you as I wrote this post. You’ve always said to write the truth. I suspect as I heal I will be able to express the truth of this experience in more detail. Thank you for your support and words of wisdom. It means a lot to me.

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