Not drowning, waving


Van Morrison’s mama told him “there’ll be days like this”. I don’t think this day is what Van Morrison’s mama had in mind. This morning started with a phone call to say my Auntie was in hospital. Then my husband had to have a CT scan done and while I was busy panicking and imagining all sorts of icky illnesses he might have, I started feeling pretty unwell. Actually, I wasn’t well all night, but waiting for them to examine my husband’s head exacerbated it. Once they were done with my husband’s head he demanded that I call my doctor, dialling the number himself and thrusting it in my hand. I was told to come in immediately, which made me panic all the more. Once at the surgery I was hustled past the swine flu patients in their masks into triage and attended by two nurses and two doctors. I spent the rest of the day flitting from doctor to pathology to radiology back to doctor’s surgery. Tonight, Auntie is still in hospital, but in good care with a condition that is serious, but very treatable; the husband is doing fine and happily munching on toast, and baby and me are still together. Tonight we’re all tired, but still very much alive and all grateful to have one another, as we always are.

Today I heard the heartbeat of my child for the first time. I don’t know how to write about it and it doesn’t seem to matter. Some things defy description, but I’m sure anyone who has experienced this will understand the magnitude of moments like that.  I’m not the first person, nor the last, to have a baby, but this is a first for me, so forgive me if I celebrate just a little with writing. I promise not to get too gushy or boring. As a writer how will I know what I’m feeling unless I write it down? Even as I write this I understand the absurdity of what I’m saying, but I also know how it is for me. Writing is therapy. A former tutor of mine said she writes to see what she’s going to say next. In a way I think we all do.

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About Sharon

Writer, bibliophile, dreamer and student of everything
This entry was posted in JOURNAL ENTRY, ME ON WRITING and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Not drowning, waving

  1. drtombibey says:

    Ms. Sharon,

    Maybe it’s not the first time someone will have a baby but your first makes it the most special one in the world for you.

    I have seen a lot of ultrasounds in my time, but of the ones from a quarter century ago I only clearly recall what two of them look like. (I have a son and a daughter)

    Dr. B

  2. jenniferneri says:

    Oh, what a day, what a moment! I am happy to hear all is well.

    That is one of the most treasured, and having heard it a second time was no less emotional.

    “A former tutor of mine said she writes to see what she’s going to say next. In a way I think we all do.” Absolute truth with me!

  3. Karen says:

    Sharon, that sounds like one heck of a rough day. I’m so glad everyone is doing OK. I will never forget the sound of each of my babies’ heartbeats. It is a memory I will treasure for as long as I draw breath. When we heard our first son’s heartbeat, my husband cried. He was simply overwhelmed that this galloping horse sound came from OUR baby. And with the twins we always had trouble working out if we were listening to the second heartbeat or if the first baby had just moved a bit!! Rest up, look after yourself and your bub and tuck these moments away in the glory box of your mind. They are truly priceless.

    • Karen
      Thank you. It is an overwhelming experience to hear that sound and realise it’s really happening. The grin on my husband’s face was just as priceless when he heard the heartbeat. He came out of the consultation room beaming and it was obvious to everyone in the waiting room. I’m just so excited as you can well imagine.

  4. vanyieck says:

    By all means celebrate every part of the process! We sure did with ours. You’re experiencing something life-changing. And each pregnancy is different, or so I’m told. (Like all expectant fathers I was just a impassioned spectator.) So cherish the uniqueness of your pregnancy.

    • Vanyieck
      thank you. I’m sure you felt every bit of discomfort and joy with your wife. I’m certainly cherishing every moment of this pregnancy, even the nausea. I suffer nausea regularly because of medication, it’s usually a drag, but this time there is a satisfaction in knowing where this nausea comes from, even if it is stronger and more frequent.

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